Wednesday, 31 October 2012

People think dreams aren't real just because they aren't made of matter, of particles. Dreams are real. But they are made of viewpoints, of images, of memories and puns and lost hopes.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012

The perks of having nothing to live for.
Sometimes you’ve got to be able to listen to yourself and be okay with no one else understanding.
I’ve given up. I can’t stand it anymore. The days drag by. I’m choked by food, the daylight that shouts at me every morning to get up. The sleep which is only dreams that chase me. Or the darkness that rustles with ghosts and memories. Has it ever occurred to you that the worse off people are, the less they complain? In the end, they’re quite silent. They’re living creatures with nerves, eyes, and hands, vast armies of victims. The light that rises and falls heavily. The cold that comes. The darkness. The heat. The smell. They are all silent.
There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally.
I love you and it’s getting worse.
If stories come to you, care for them. And learn to give them away where they are needed. Sometimes a person needs a story more than food to stay alive.
I never fall apart, because I never fall together.
I want so much that is not here and do not know where to go.

Sunday, 21 October 2012

And never have I felt so deeply at one and the same time so detached from myself and so present in the world.

Saturday, 20 October 2012

We are not human beings on a spiritual journey but spiritual beings having a human experience.
If they don’t need you, it’s okay. You do not live for other people.


  1. Simple exchange debts
  2. Support or interruption of daily flow
  3. Emotional attachments
  4. Personal power
  5. Expression
  6. The Integrity Debt
  7. The Personal Knowingness Debt 
So have a look at your life, and first identify the people and actions that you feel most compelled to interact with. There is probably karmic debt there, either positive or negative.
Next, see if you can get a sense of what part of your life is being most impacted by those people and actions – Exchange? Risk? Personal power? Integrity? Expression? Internal knowingness? 

Use this list as a guideline to place yourself and any other people in their appropriate power positions. Sort out what feels like the bigger debts from the smaller ones. Let the smaller ones back-burner if you feel the need to work on the bigger ones – but remember that they're not going to go away all by themselves.

This plane is about Action and Reaction, about Cause and Effect. These learning situations you create by using the concept of karmic debts and energy exchange will move you forward on the path of spiritual awareness, if you pay attention.

The nine needs are: Security, Adventure, Freedom, Expansion, Power, Expression, Acceptance, Communion, and Exchange

Herbs of The Third Harvest

Oct. 31- Nov.2: The Third Harvest, Winters Blessing, Halloween, Summers End, Samhain, Hallows Eve, Alla Hegons Dag, All Souls Night, Day of the Dead, All Saints Day, etc. However you associate with the holiday, it is fast upon us. A period of reflection, meditation, communing with our ancestors, and honoring loved ones that have past. It is also a time of celebration and preparation for the winter, and the new years fortunes.

  • Acorn: Death and rebirth, hung in windows for protection, altar decoration.
  • Apple: immortality, fruit of the underworld, divination, rituals of the communication with departed, traditional games such as apple bobbing. Buried or placed outdoors as offering to the spirits. Use apples in place of blood where it is called for in old recipes.
  • Allspice: Magical power
  • Basil: Fire, protection
  • Bay laurel: Protection, especially related to the home, magic power, divination, clairvoyance.
  • Benzoin: Purification, protection, astral projection
  • Broom: Protection, purification
  • Calendula: honoring the dead, place in offerings at graves or sacred places, add to potpourri.
  • Camphor: Divination, psychic awareness
  • Catmint: Protection
  • Cinnamon: Spirituality, psychic awareness, divination, defense
  • Cinquefoil: Divination, purification, protection
  • Copal resin: Spirituality, purification
  • Corn: Crafts, decorations symbolic of the grain harvest and corn dollies symbolizing of the coming birth of winter. Traditional food for celebratory feasts.
  • Dandelion: Divination
  • Dill: Protection from spirits, communication
  • Dittany: Rituals to contact spirits often thrown in ritual fire
  • Elder: Purification, Protection, magic power
  • Elm: Protection, psychic energy
  • Ferns: Protection, strong protection when burned outside, defense
  • Flax: Traditional decoration, protection, psychic awareness
  • Fumitory: Burned for purification, protection, exorcism
  • Hazel: Clairvoyance, divination, defense, contacting spirits
  • Heather: Burned for spirituality, communication with the dead, invitation or welcome to the dead
  • Heliotrope: Burned for purification, protection
  • Mandrake: Burned for protection, divination, astral projection (Toxic, do NOT ingest!)
  • Marigold: Symbol of enduring enduring love, placed in offerings to the dead on graves and in sacred places.
  • Mugwort: Divination, clairvoyance, protection used in ceremonial ritual potions.
  • Mullein: Burned as torches or candles in ritual ceremonies. Serves the purpose of keeping ancestral fire lit to appease the spirits, and as a highly protective herb.
  • Nettle: Protection
  • Nightshade: Divination, astral projection ingredient of old flying potions which induced strong hallucinations when transported through the skin in a carrier of animal fat.  (Toxic, do NOT ingest) Belladonna can kill you, ensure use is administered and monitored by a knowledgeable party with experience in its virtues. Otherwise, use symbolically ONLY.
  • Oak leaves: Burn for purification
  • Parsley: Offering to the deceased, used to divine your death, carried for protection
  • Patchouli: Grounding, used in rituals for safe travel between the veils,defense, letting go
  • Pine needles: Purification, protection
  • Pumpkin: Carve lanterns to keep ancestral fire lit, spiritual and protective. Traditional feast food.
  • Pumpkin seeds: symbolic of harvest, honors hekate, protection
  • Rosemary: remembrance, symbolic of love for those who have passed on. Worn as a token, or burned or placed at grave sights as offering. Protection, cleansing, consecration.
  • Rue: Protection from evil energies or spirits, Dip in water and sprinkle for magical purification
  • Sage: Purification, spirituality, and release of negative energy
  • Sandalwood: Purification, protection, astral projection, offering to the spirits, reincarnation
  • Sweet grass: Burn for purification
  • Terragon: magic power
  • Thistle: Protection
  • Thyme: Purification, protection, divination
  • Turnip: Carve lanterns to keep ancestral fire lit, spiritual and protective.
  • Vervain: Protection, power
  • Wheat: Harvest decorations, traditional foods, cross roads symbol crafts for protection
  • Willow: Protection
  • Wormwood: Protection, evocation, clairvoyance, psychic energy, and communication with spirits often thrown in ritual fire or burned as incense.
  • Yarrow: Divination, protection, psychic defense
  • Yellow cedar: Burned for purification and warding off negative energies

Friday, 19 October 2012

I am thankful to all those who said ‘no’ to me. It’s because of them I did it for myself.

Saturday, 13 October 2012

Karmic debt

The Seven Levels of Karmic Debt
By Caris Palm Turpen

Karmic Debts are the incentive to stay here and play. You want to create them with others, you want to have them paid back, you want to repay them. Without such a force acting upon you, there would be little inspiration to stick around. They present themselves as a way for the Universe to ask you, "What are you doing? How are you doing it? Are you manifesting awareness or not? Are you manifesting responsibility or not? How are you 'showing up' in this world?"

Karmic Debts are a fascinating process of balancing energies. You do something completely nasty to me, I get to do something completely nasty to you. We both learn from the experience. We balance the energy. Afterwards, in the pub, we have a good laugh.

How many of you have figured out by now that the Tao is simply an experience junkie? Man, it's got one hell of a jones for passion play, for mystery and solving mysteries, for depth and layers and concoctions that would put Aunt Essie’s Jello mold to shame. Since karmas really run our lives, it is up to us to figure out their placement. The following information gives a sense about how to apply significance to any feeling you get about an experience with another. If you can peg which level of karmic debt you have with them, you can take more conscious steps to either dealing with it or running like hell. ;-) After all, the choice is yours.......

First of all, know that of these 7 levels, about 80% of the debts you'll work with in a lifetime are on levels 1- 4; then a few at level five, fewer at level six, and the least at level 7. (Level 7 is big juju, often takes more than a couple of lifetimes to balance. You don't do a terrible amount of level 7, especially after about 5th level mature. They just take too darn much out of you, and hopefully you've learned the pertinent lessons by then that you get by *creating* a level 7 debt. You will see many mature souls working. frantically to payoff level 7 debts they may have put off for awhile. See, you can run but you can't hide.)

Often you make your most debts in a lifetime around your top three Internal Needs. If you have a lot going on with the Need of Freedom, well then, you will probably create, or pay back, debts relating to freedoms or restrictions. There is a direct correlation between the Needs and the debts you work with.

Likewise, there is new information coming down the pike, as it were, about Responsibility levels and Awareness levels. If you hadn't guessed by now, your debt creation and payment is *directly and specifically related* to these. In other words, the more debt work you do, the better responsibility and awareness you have. If you muddle around, picking your toes, not working on your debts, you'll not get very far. We have watched with great interest some fragments merrily while away near eons out of fears of having to repay one major debt. It's kind of like going to the dentist to get a root canal. It's difficult while you're there, but the relief from the rotten tooth is completely worth it later.


The Ice Cream Debt
Simple exchange debts

This debt level, while seemingly small, has a very important function. It serves to remind us of our bigger debts from past lifetimes, and will bring the lessons learned in those past lifetimes to bear again. They are used as memory triggers. Adults will use these karmic debts to remember the bonds or history they have with others.

These debts are very simple and are often exchanged, or balanced, the same day. At the child level, it might be a sock in the arm. You hit me, I hit you. Again, this will serve to remind the fragment, 'oh yeah, if I do something I could get something back'. Adults do their own little sophistications on this level, but they are really the same basic type of debt. You hug me, I hug you back. You give me a glass of wine, I say nice things about your house.


The Toolbox Debt
Support or interruption of daily flow

The first example here is that of a carpenter whose hammer is borrowed. He needs that hammer to work, but the borrower has not returned it, so he has to go out and buy a new one. This level is more irksome than Level l. Since karmas are by their nature somewhat subjective, it is a judgment call about what is important to the person. This debt level is about a break in trust. If someone breaks trust with you at this level, especially repeatedly, say, by borrowing and then not returning a loved book, or borrowing and then breaking your rake, you will probably drop them to a lower level on your Circles of Acceptance. Being stood up for a date is one of the more noticeable breaks at this level, in that virtually everyone has had this happen at one time or another.


The Prized Automobile Debt
Emotional attachments

These debts occur with and around pets, children, relatives, good friends, and important possessions.

If someone has a 'prized automobile', there is an inherent emotional attachment, usually because there is identification with that object, or it is meaningful or impactful in the person's life. If this item is stolen or broken or somehow its 'rightness' with the person who has it is corrupted, then the thief or abuser has incurred a Level 3 Karmic Debt with the owner.

Burglary can be creating or paying back a debt at this level. So can stealing an idea for a book or a song. Even being forcefully snubbed by someone you had wished to bond with will create or pay back a debt at this level.


The Hearth and Home Debt
Personal power

This level attacks your sense of personal power, in where you live or work or identify.

If someone burns down your house, they have broken your sense of personal power about having a home. If an ex-husband or ex-wife kidnaps your child (doing that child no harm, simple inter-family theft), they are taking power away from the other parent. If a doctor or healer heals you, after you've been very ill, this can restore your sense of personal power (over your body) and they can be paying back a debt at this level to you, or creating philanthropic karma for themselves. Being beaten up in a bar fight can make you feel like you've lost a sense of your own personal power, thereby incurring this level of debt with your attacker. Some of these karmas are created in the court system, by inappropriate awards in divorces or child-custody arguments.


The Livelihood Debt

This level has to do with your expression of who you really are.

If that expression is taken away from you, or you take it from another, this level of debt is incurred.

Most interestingly, simple murder appears at this level - what could be more straightforward than taking away your physical plane vehicle for expression than killing it?

Big career success or ruin is at this level, as is big financial gain or ruin.

You can create wonderful philanthropic karma at this level by taking on an apprentice and really making sure they do well after they leave you.

If you save someone's life, you have paid back a karmic debt at this level - perhaps you murdered them in a stupid burglary or killed them in war, at a personal level, previously.


The Integrity Debt

This level has to do with how you are expressed to others. It begins the fast high leap of tie-in with the concept of greater interconnectedness. While level 5 is more personal, this level is more concerned with others, and level 7 is even more interconnected.

This level of debt is incurred by libel or slander to the degree that you are ruined or ruin another's reputation.

Also, jailing someone who is innocent.

Also, political imprisonment is here; this level deals with Freedom concepts.

As might be guessed by the astute, slavery falls into this level.

Most types of war deaths fall into this level - but be aware that most war deaths in this common era are too broad to be individually applied to a perpetrator and still have the balance attainable. Instead, the debt is applied to the *concept/construct* of the energy that was used to create the situation. This will allow both sides to experience the lessons and resulting balances from payment or reception of payment of this type of debt. On the other hand, if you have created a debt with the Orange Growers Association by being a spokesperson for their product, and then prove to be a sociopath and cause nightmares in children when they dream of oranges, you cannot repay the debt for the damage you caused at many levels of commerce and survival by simply planting an orange tree in your next lifetime and praising yourself for your wearing orange colored clothing, ugly as it might be. You have to actually *****DO SOMETHING***** with the concept, such as perhaps making oranges a cult worship object, causing sales to go through the roof and bringing prosperity to those lives whom you sullied. We are making a little joke here to illustrate the concept of Energetic Debt Repayment, when individual payments are simply impossible.

On the base physical level, maiming another or being maimed is at this level. Can you see that maiming another is in its way worse than death? If you maim another, you are dealing with that person's ability to be viewed in their life. If that view is distorted to others, it affects the rest of the person's life, from their own ability to see themselves to other's perceptions of the validity of that person.


The Personal Knowingness Debt

This debt deals with a person's ability to connect with the greater universe. If their personal or inner knowingness has been corrupted, they have a faulty mechanism by which to gauge their experiences against, and therefore their ability to choose is highly compromised and they will often make decisions that do harm to the greater number of beings around them as a result.

Spiritual con men create karmic debts with others at this level, if they are propagating seriously false information about the nature of connection. (If they are just a bad televangelist or a smarmy guru, they are more likely creating debts at level four, which involves personal power.)

Intentionally imprinting a child or children as to their world view, especially in a negative or destructive fashion, or with information that fails to take into account the fact the child is a member of a much bigger community than just its family or religion, falls into this level.

Leaders who keep their supporters involved in highly machined falsehoods *in order to suppress them* are creating this level of karma.


So have a look at your life, and first identify the people and actions that you feel most compelled to interact with. There is probably karmic debt there, either positive or negative.

Next, see if you can get a sense of what part of your life is being most impacted by those people and actions – exchange? risk? personal power? integrity? internal knowingness?

Use this list as a guideline to place yourself and any other people in their appropriate power positions. Sort out what feels like the bigger debts from the smaller ones. Let the smaller ones back-burner if you feel the need to work on the bigger ones – but remember that they're not going to go away all by themselves.

This plane is about Action and ReAction, about Cause and Effect. These learning situations you create by using the concept of karmic debts and energy exchange will move you forward on the path of spiritual awareness, if you pay attention.

More On Karmic Debt
The following is an edited version of a session done on around the idea of karmic debts creating connections between people.......

Why else, in this world of billions, would R and H connect so easily? Karma is like that, as you are well aware.

Hence, part of the loneliness of the oldest souls, who have completed most all of their major karmas and so must rely on other methods to attract and maintain relationships.
This is why service becomes such a factor. Without service, there would be little reason to stick around. Thankfully, service lessons are some of the biggest available, as you also know.
But do you also know that there is service without karmic interaction? This is something to be aware of.
In other words, service is its own reward. You can be drawn to service and the interaction it offers, and, believe it or not Mr. Ripley, not have any karmic reasons for being there, not even the venerated 'philanthropic karma'. And all the interactions that come from that service are simple and clean. This type of work is generally unknown to but a few, who have, again, worked past all their major karmas. For those with major karmas still working, such as with yourself, it is a tad difficult to see into that realm, until you are actually there.
This is why your self-mystification around your seeming lack of interest in the overall welfare of children exists. No major karmas in that area. But you know what major karmas feel like, deep down, and in fact wonder at the validity of all of your relationships that DON'T have them - for, in your own mind, you think that's why you HAVE relationships. And for most people that's true. But it's not the only reason.
And so, without the compelling nature of karma working its magic on you, you could indeed be a perfect child welfare advocate. Clean thinking, direct, able to see into all areas. And it isn't something you HAVE to do. You would only do it if you WANTED to.
But we see, more in line with your artisan subset, that your service work will probably be in the realm of the arts, or personal vision, or a type of healing.
Client: I've had a hard time pinpointing in which direction I should go.
You would actually do well in any of those areas - you would be a fabulous agent or rep for a small collective of artists, for instance. Or you could manage a therapeutic spa, perhaps a women's day spa where the emphasis is on light and healing, not morbid chewing of life's grittier details.
Client: Interesting, I'd never thought in those lines.
You see, karmas being what they are, if you don't have huge ones acting on you, you're more likely to sit in a corner and suck your thumb and wonder why you're sitting in a corner and sucking your thumb, but doing little to move yourself out of it.
What it takes at that point is Vision. Looking into No Karma Land.
Client: And it's hard when you're used to working on karma.
And taking a good look at yourself, and seeing what fits and what doesn't. This is true introspection on its most personal level, the most difficult kind for any fragment.
Client: It is difficult.
Oh, it is so much easier and intoxicating to work with the karmas. It's set up that way, you know. This is our little secret.

(c)2000 LightCatcher Inc. Caris Palm Turpen - All rights reserved
We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken.

Friday, 12 October 2012

I keep thinking that if I could just unzip my skin, step out of this body, then I would see who I really am.
You get depressed because you know that you’re not what you should be.
Everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks on it.
No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Broj sa sto nula zove se googol. Riječ "googol" izmislio je devetogodišnji dječak Milton Sirrota kada ga je njegov stric, američki matematičar Edward Kasner zamolio da nadjene ime broju 10^100. Broj 10^googol nazvan je googolplex.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012

We don’t even ask for happiness, just a little less pain.
I don’t want to talk to people. I mean, I do, really, but I can’t manage it. I feel my social skills are sliding backwards. I just can’t connect with people. I feel like I’m acting all the time, because I’m truly not a social creature… And any attempts to be are so calculated and unlike myself and I feel everyone sees through it. Still, it doesn’t deter people from talking to me. I feel awful that they have any sort of faith in my being able to interact with them like a normal human being. I mean, some days are better than others. It’s just lately. I am absolutely socially inept.
One should not be afraid of humans. Well, I am not afraid of humans, but of what is inhuman in them...

Monday, 8 October 2012

At times I suffer from the strangest sense of detachment from myself and the world around me; I seem to watch it all from the outside, from somewhere inconceivably remote, out of time, out of space, out of the stress and tragedy of it all.
Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin can openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suit on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life.
I never tried to be anything other than a dreamer. I never paid any attention to people who told me to go out and live. I belonged always to whatever was far from me and to whatever I could never be. Anything that was not mine, however base, always seemed to be full of poetry. The only thing I ever loved was pure nothingness.
And falling’s just another way to fly.
I was twenty-four, but even then I led the gloomy, disorganized, solitary existence of a recluse. I stayed away from people, avoided even speaking to them, and kept more and more to my hole.
You only lose what you cling to.
Blaise - (n) Somebody who is so creative, funny, smart, nice and pretty that you begin to think it is unfair that he/she exists.
I think too much. I think ahead. I think behind. I think sideways. I think it all. If it exists, I’ve fucking thought of it.

Saturday, 6 October 2012

The most common form of despair is not being who you are.
I had no interests. I had no interest in anything. I had no idea how I was going to escape. At least the others had some taste for life. They seemed to understand something that I didn’t understand. Maybe I was lacking. It was possible. I often felt inferior. I just wanted to get away from them. But there was no place to go.
I like people to be unhappy because I like them to have souls.

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

Bonsai ( 盆栽 ) (lit. plantings in tray, from bon, a tray or low-sided pot and sai, a planting or plantings) is a Japanese art form using miniature trees grown in containers.
But love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
When you stop doing things for fun you might as well be dead.
those zombies are masked
concrete jungle burns
I like to dabble
in such varied colors

eyes are blinding
when stares go for days
unbecoming dreamers
are likely to lose it when trains run late

so it is to ramble
and forget our friend time
startled over letting go
madness in the big city
I feel like if I’m too kind then you will only change your mind
Take advantage of my heart and I’ll go back into the dark
Karmički obrasci su duševni sadržaji pohranjeni u našoj podsvijesti koji nas opterećuju nepoželjnim tjelesnim stanjima, emocijama ili mislima. Nalik su pokvarenoj ploči koja se stalno i uporno ponavlja pa umjesto da ostvarujemo životne ciljeve, mi se vrtimo u krug. Mnoge osobe svjesne su svojih ograničavajućih životnih modela i željele bi iz njih izaći, ali ne mogu jer ne znaju kako.